Important thoughts on privilege…

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My parents have given me an endless list of gifts. Private school all my life, an endless supply of toys and trips around the world that have changed my life and the way I think. Now, when I finished high school, they thought it was over, that they would have a break from my endless demands and needs. Yet, of course, I have high goals, and those goals often require a lot of money to be spent. I moved to Canberra, to study at one of the best universities in Australia, to go to one of the best colleges at that university, and thus began the same cycle they had to follow through with. I was blessed, they were more than willing to help me and pay. They wanted to give me everything I would ever need for me to reach my goals and dreams. However, things became hard. My father, working six days a week, driving for three hours a day to get to and from work, often having 10 hour days, was simply exhausted. My mother, became lonely and missed the ability for us to talk and spend time together. It made me question, when does it end? At what point do I stop expecting endless gifts from my parents that are causing struggles to their very own wellbeing and ability to function.

 

I realise, that having gifts constantly thrown at you, your ability to work hard and truly want something is lacking. In all my life, I have never felt the need to work to the point of exhaustion because in the back of my head, I always knew my parents would supply support for me, help give me that extra boost of privilege that I needed to get to where I wanted to be. I am what I always feared of being. Someone who expected things to be handed to me on a silver platter. To make things as easy as possible. I have never truly experienced hardship and worked to earn something. All major success in my life has simply been handed to me on a platter. This mind set that I am in leads to me simply expecting things, it leads to me forgetting how hard it is for some people to work to give me things. When does it all end? At what point is it my responsibility to stop and do things for myself?

 

These questions are all dependent on people’s opinions of course, some would say I should start paying and looking after myself as soon as I reach adulthood, some would say earlier and some would say never. I try to present myself to the world with the image that I expect myself to be the main support network at 18. However, this is the most incorrect thing I have ever said in my life. At this point in my life I am selfish, everything is about me and for me, in order for me to achieve imaginary goals that I don’t even know exist. College is a world where the majority have an expectation that their parents will simply pay and provide support for them. I have fallen equally into this mind-set, however I don’t have a family where it is automatic to assume we can afford everything with minimal work. A huge level of sacrifice is going into my ability to be here, and I am still miserable, I am unhappy, I am depressed and I am lost. So here comes the question of why should I expect my parents to pay for an endless supply of benefits and opportunities if I don’t even know how to use them, if I don’t even know what I’m using them for and if I don’t even know if it gives me a true sense of purpose and happiness.

 

The things you work for in life are the things that give you the most satisfaction and sense of achievement. So if all that I am doing is driving my family into the ground, in order for me to get a degree that I don’t even enjoy, am I really living my life in a way that is rewarding?

 

 

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